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Is MARRIAGE Becoming Real HELL

The world is facing a tough time because of the pandemic. And on top of that we can see sour relations resulting into depression followed by suicide attempts, suicides and divorce battles. Either suicides or atrocious murders have become a resort for couples.

Being a family court lawyer, it has become a routine to witness fights and heated arguments between the couples but I have never thought that I would have to see the live suicides in such a fight. Few incidences have shaken me and I am forced to put it into my blog. Few months ago, I have observed an incident in Bandra Family Court. The husband and wife were not having good days in life and they reached the court for help. By God’s grace they had a baby boy whose age was around 1.5 years. One fine day in the Family Court they had a huge and ugly argument over maintenance issue. Allegedly the husband was not cooperative in the marriage. During the argument, the wife angrily threw her kid from 3rd floor and the boy expired right away. I was absolutely shocked and could not fathom that can a parent do this to her own child who was at no fault.

Another incident in the Bandra Family Court was a couple was fighting for a divorce as the wife alleged that he has a bad alcohol habit and that she cannot live with him. On 17.06.2021, the couple was fighting in the court premises and having bad arguments on 7^th floor and then they came to 6^th floor. The husband was begging his wife to not leave the marriage and to allow him to spend time with their only 6 year old son. But wife was not ready to listen and rejected his plea to even touch the kid. The next I heard the loud noise and screams of people and who jumped from the 6th floor from inside the building. He was declared dead on arrival in the hospital. He just left a question behind for the other couple to rethink before they end up in heated argument or before they proceed to get divorced in court.

It hurts both the spouses even if there is a single rift in their relation. Love and trust are the necessity of life and love.

Once people understand this difference, there will be space for no such rifts. But nowadays couples have become resistant towards the changes in each other’s lives. Both of them want to control each other and want everything to happen their way. These days anger is getting on people’s nerves and if it’s a tussle between husband and wife then the gravity of the issue increases and sometimes results into adverse and uncontrollable situations.

What I feel is that the people have become extremely impatient these days. One of the reasons could be the ongoing pandemic since last one and half year and on top of that the stressed relationship and they always want things their way. There is less of trust and more of superficial images for others to see. No understanding, no trust, no sacrifice - how can a relation last this way?

According to a report of Union States on ‘Progress of the World Women 2019-2020: Families and a changing world’ it states that divorce rates in India have multiplied by twofold in the past two decades. The reasons are - changing roles of women in families and in the society, more awareness of women rights and increasing women literacy rates. The society is seeing progressive women lead, work and manage families at the same time. But the society is still far from accepting equality when it comes to “managing family”. It still prefers its ambitious women to sit in the kitchen all day long and serve her family members. This pinches for the ambitious women who are all set to progress in their field of work. It is difficult for women as the men of our society is still not ready to accept this equality, or assume some of the household work, or distribute the responsibilities equally.

It is fine to be careerist but compromising family time or family peace is not smart but a stupid way to lead a married life. They do not realize that a distance grows between them and they are no longer like the initial years of their marriage. Good and bad, divine and evil, black and white - everything has both the sides and so do people. But these things affect more on the marital couple only. Husband-wife relationship is the most important of all we have in our lives. It depends on a fine saturation line of trust in one another’s lives. If there is any breach of trust then the relationship is subject to fragility. Marriage- means the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a legal manner.

I don’t want to dictate things but after going through many reports and articles, I found some interesting and useful things to share.  

· If both husband and wife are working, they should keep their egos aside and jointly share the responsibilities of family- be it kitchen, laundry, kid’s school, or other household work. Problem arises when husband feels that this is not his job as he has seen the same as a child when his mother and grandmother did all the house chores. Times have changed and now he should try to share her burden equally.

. Both of them should respect each other feelings and spend sufficient time together. These may be very small things like having a cup of tea together or morning or evening walks, doing yoga or meditation, watching favorite programs on TV etc. In joint families wives are usually busy the whole day and don’t get sufficient time to speak to her husband. The behavior pattern of a husband in a nuclear family Vs. in a joint family differs to a huge extent. They are more open in nuclear families as compared to joint families.

·Both should be loyal to each other. They should not indulge themselves in extra-marital affairs.

·Small fights between couples are fine as they make the bond stronger. But one needs to make sure that the fight ends the same day and it isn’t carried forward to the next morning· 

.Their problems should remain between the couples only. No third party should be allowed to get involved unnecessarily.

·If you give little importance to all these small factors, you surely can enjoy a happy family life.

Hence, there is no perfect rule or guidelines to have a happy married life but even small-small things play very vital role in any relationship whether it's marriage or any other relationship.

(Advocate Vedika Chaubey can be reached at vedikachaubey@gmail.com)